We better give ourselves some time

I'm sure you've seen yourself in this situation before.. Whether from one side of the mountain or the other. However, It is important to clarify well the characteristics of this. That is to say, set the rules well.

propose a time, or have doubts, It is a clear right. However, I should not “make the other person dizzy” or appear ambivalent or adopt contradictory behaviors that could confuse the other person.. Because if so, I will not be acting from assertiveness or maturity, if not from manipulation and selfishness.

This type of pattern, this revolving door behavior, it will completely destabilize the other party, who possibly remains rooted in hope, to the intermittent reinforcement you receive, to dependency, waiting for “the other person to clarify or change so that everything can be solved”.

accept a time, It means that I also have rights. I have the right to give myself that time too., reviewing what I want and what I don't.

Besides, I must and have the right to set limits on how long I am willing to wait.. A door half open or in constant movement generates instability, confusion, uncertainty and suffering. And it's my responsibility, only mine, what to do with that.

And I go further. If this pattern is common, If I receive these requests repeatedly, It is important that I analyze the dynamics of my relationship and ask myself: Do I deserve to be loved halfway??, Do I want to be with a person who constantly doubts me??, Do I deserve to be someone's doubt?, what do I want?

Let the other person ask for time, It doesn't take away my decision-making power.. On the contrary, It offers me an opportunity to assess the situation and value myself.

Time does not require just waiting, real responsibility must be taken by each of the parties, from respect, self-care and sincerity.

Article written by Andrea, health psychologist on the team specialized in emotional dependency.